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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28553325">Moment Of True Happiness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/siephilde42/pseuds/siephilde42'>siephilde42</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Don't copy to another site, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, First Kiss, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:07:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,629</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28553325</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/siephilde42/pseuds/siephilde42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel confesses his love to Dean, but the Empty does not come. Misunderstandings and further love confessions ensue.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>110</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Moment Of True Happiness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/bradburyafriend/gifts">bradburyafriend</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is based on a Twitter thread by bradburyafriend (https://twitter.com/buryaboyfriend/status/1337096849828835331?s=21). Thank you so much for the idea and for allowing me to write it &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It is something I know I cannot have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness is not in the having, it is in just being. It is in just saying it."</p><p>"What are you talking about, man?", Dean asks, desperate to comprehend what Cas just told him, trying to understand what Cas is getting at. He definitely does not anticipate what comes next.</p><p>"I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You are destructive, and you are angry, and you are broken. You're “daddy's blunt instrument.” And you think that hate and anger, that is... That is what drives you, that is who you are. It is not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world <em>for love</em>. That is who you are. You are the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, <em>loving</em> human being I will ever know. ... You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of <em>you</em>. ... You changed me, Dean."</p><p>When Dean asks "Why does this sound like a goodbye?", his voice is but a whisper.</p><p>"Because it is."</p><p>Dean just stands there, unable to speak.</p><p>"I love you", the angel says, tears in his eyes, smiling.</p><p>"Don't do this, Cas." What he means is <em>Don't do this, Cas. Don't tell me that when it means you have to die. Don't. Don't leave me. </em>But before he can say any more, they are interrupted by a loud noise.</p><p>The warded door busts open, and Billie stands behind it with her scythe.</p><p>Cas frowns, eyes wandering around the room. "It is not coming. Why..." He spins around, blocking Billie's path towards Dean. "Stop."</p><p>"Get out of the way, angel", Death murmurs. "I'm going to make you watch." </p><p>"Cas...", Dean starts, intending to beg Cas to save himself. But there is no way out for either of them both, he realizes. His mouth goes dry. <em>So that's it. </em></p><p>With a swift movement, Billie swats Cas aside like an irritating fly. She steps closer to Dean and raises her scythe. </p><p>He is unable to move, pain not only clenching together his heart, but running through his whole body. Resigning, he closes his eyes. <em>Sammy, Jack, Cas. I'm sorry. </em></p><p>He hears Cas screaming "No!"</p><p>Eyes tightly shut, he waits for the blow. But instead of feeling a blow, he hears something clatter to the ground.</p><p>"What?" He opens his eyes to see the scythe on the ground and Billie gone. "What?", he repeats, voice shaking.</p><p>"She died", Cas mutters. "She <em>died. </em>I just saw her crumble apart and volatilize."</p><p>Dean feels a hysterical fit coming on. "Oh... Now that's crappy timing, Billie." Laughter rises up in his chest, mixed with sobbing. Helplessly, he lets himself slide down the wall, laughing and crying so hard that it almost feels he could die from it. He does not, of course.</p><p>"Dean... are you all right?", Cas asks, approaching him. He starts to reach out to put his hand on Dean's shoulder, but breaks off, unsure how to act, given what just happened and what he did, what he just said.</p><p>It takes Dean several attempts to manage to speak. "Uh..." He chuckles. "Let's see. The pain Billie inflicted on me is gone. Billie is gone. You're alive. I'm alive. And the... the thing you tried to summon, apparently it doesn't want you, because I sure don't see it, do you?" He inhales deeply. "So... I'm going with 'yeah, I'm all right.'" What he does not say is <em>"Apparently for the Empty it is not enough that you said it, isn't it? Maybe you would need to hear it back to... Or maybe... you didn't mean it? ... That must be it. How could you mean what you just said? I... I'm not... I can't... No, I'm not all right, damn it. How could I be after the bomb you just dropped? Are you </em>that <em>stupid? ... You just tried to fool it into getting Billie, didn't you? But why would you try to fool it into saving me, unless you... No. You... You just didn't mean it, that's it. </em>He buries his face in his hands.</p><p>"If you say so", Cas responds, standing up. "Er... We should probably let Sam and Jack know about Billie. Call them and..."</p><p>"Yes. Yes", Dean mutters. "I'll..." Just as he takes out the phone to dial Sam's number, he receives a call. "Speak of the devil", he remarks as he sees Sam's name on the display. "Hi, Sammy." He frowns. "What do you mean, they're all gone?" He listens for about a minute, then hangs up without a word.</p><p>"Dean, what..."</p><p>"They're all gone", Dean explains. "Bobby, Charlie. Everyone except Sam and Jack is gone." He sighs. "Chuck is upping his game, it seems." He wonders why he is so calm about it. He should be despairing about it, should he not? Then he glances up at the figure in a trenchcoat standing in front of him. <em>Right, </em>He lets out an exhale and gets up as well. "Let's go and kick God's ass", he declares. "Team Free Will going all in."</p><p>*</p><p>"Castiel", Chuck begs, clutching one of Cas' knees. "It cannot end like this. You cannot leave me like this, powerless. ... Please. Just smite me or something."</p><p>Cas scoffs, squatting away Chuck's hand. "No", he says, his voice full of contempt. "This is the pathetic ending you deserve. ... Have fun enjoying the rest of your life."</p><p>"I don't want to be human!", Chuck squeals.</p><p>"Too bad for you", Cas remarks. "You know, the irony is, if you truly loved the creation you made, you would appreciate it, this existence. But you are just too pathetic to do that. Well, goodbye." </p><p>As the four of them walk towards the Impala, Chuck calls after them. "Guys... Guys... wait. Guys... Guys! No, wait. G-Guys... Guys, wait! Guys, wait! Guys, wait! Wait, wait, wait! Please wait! Guys!"</p><p>"Now <em>that </em>felt liberating", Dean says, grinning wide.</p><p>"Yes", Cas agrees while he heals Sam and Dean (at the last moment stopping himself again from taking hold of Dean's shoulder).</p><p>Some minutes later, Dean stops the car and they get out on the main street.</p><p>"Alright, kid, you really think you can pull this off?", Dean asks.</p><p>Jack smiles, closes his eyes.</p><p>"Love is but a song to sing-<br/>In other news, yes, it's that time of year again-<br/>You guessed it-<br/>You can make mountains ring-<br/>Or make the angels cry..."</p><p>When Jack opens them again, everything is back.</p><p>"Way to go", Dean says, chuckling.</p><p>"So... what now? I mean, what about Amara?", Sam asks.</p><p>"I could get her back. She's here and she's angry at Chuck for manipulating her. She thought he actually cared about her, but all he cared about was her power."</p><p>"Uh. Okay. Do that, then", Sam suggests.</p><p>With a whoosh, a black particle cloud separates itself from Jack's body and transforms.</p><p>"Hi there, again", Dean greets her.</p><p>"Hello, Aunt Amara."</p><p>"Hello, nephew", she responds, still a bit disoriented.</p><p>Dean frowns. "So, as Sam said... what now?" </p><p>"I have a suggestion", Jack begins. "We could rebuild Heaven together. I'd like to leave humanity alone, but you and me, we could remake Paradise. ... Of course, you should take the lead. I'm still a four-year-old, after all."</p><p>Amara nods. "So you are." She takes a moment to think, looks around at the remade Earth. "Hmm. ... I accept your suggestion, nephew. If you promise me to never lock me up or attack me in some way. And I promise to not got against any of your wishes."</p><p>"Excellent", Jack replies. "It's a deal, then." He extends his hand to her, and she takes it.</p><p>Dean clears his throat. "Ahem. Now that's out of the way... Jack."</p><p>"Yes?"</p><p>"Cas' deal with the Empty. I expect you know about it."</p><p>"Uh... Yes. I was there when he made it."</p><p>Dean nods. "Do you think you could nullify it? I mean, you're God now..." He glances at Amara, stammers "...or God's grandnephew at least, or whatever."</p><p>Amara shrugs. "I think that should be possible, yes." She smiles. "I am the Darkness. It will come when I call."</p><p>"Awesome. Call away."</p><p>She starts to speak in a foreign language.</p><p>"Cas, what's she saying?", Sam asks.</p><p>"She is saying... 'Creation's Shadow. The Great Nothing. The resting place for everything this is from Heaven and Hell. I am calling to you. I am the Darkness, and I compel you to appear before me."</p><p>Just as Cas translates the last sentence, a tear seems to open up in the middle of the street in front of them.</p><p>"The people...", Dean mumbles...</p><p>"They cannot see it", Amara clarifies.</p><p>It is quite bizarre to not see a reaction from all the passers-by when through the tear, a creature appears.</p><p>"Meg? ... You didn't tell us that the thing had a twisted sense of humor", Dean remarks.</p><p>"Ah." Recognizing him, the creature flashes him a grin. "Dean Winchester. ... You know, you don't seem <em>that </em>impressive at all." She smirks at Cas. "What's up? Can't wait to come back to me, lover boy?"</p><p>"About that", Jack begins. "I... We have a proposal for you."</p><p>The creature pouts. "Oh? Do tell. This better be good. Because the last time I saw you, you made it <em>very </em>loud, boy."</p><p>"All... All you want is to go back to sleep, right?" Jack turns to look at Amara. "You can make it quiet again, can't you?"</p><p>"I can", Amara confirms.</p><p>"Lovely. Where's the catch?"</p><p>"Look, how about this? You cancel the deal with Castiel and you get your peace and quiet back. ... Because you see, the thing is, if you take Castiel, even if we make it quiet, Sam and Dean won't rest until they find a way to bring him back. And they will. Which means your quiet won't last if you take him. If you nullify the deal, you won't have any problems with them."</p><p>For a while, the Empty does not say anything. It seems deep in thought, contemplating all of them. The new God, whom it trusts. Her nephew Jack, who made it awful loud but seems sincere. Sam Winchester, who will help his brother in everything he would undertake to get Castiel back. Castiel, who woke up the Shadow and made it loud to begin with. Dean Winchester, who appeared in quite a lot of Castiel's dreams. Curious, it musters Dean up close. <em>All this pain for one ordinary human? I do not get it. </em>Finally, it sighs. "Fine."</p><p>Dean lets out a relieved breath.</p><p>The creature raises one finger. "On one condition."</p><p><em>No</em>, Dean thinks. <em>Please, no condition this time. Please. </em></p><p>"Yes?", Jack asks.</p><p>Its finger wanders around, pointing at Cas. "You make sure this obnoxious angel does not bother me anymore, ever. Because otherwise, if we call off the deal, the next time he dies, it is gonna be loud again. And I have had enough of that." It steps closer to Cas, circles him. "In other words... make him human. Take away everything that makes him an angel and I will agree to your deal, nullifying the old one."</p><p>"What?", Dean blurts out. "No. You can't demand from us to..."</p><p>"Okay", Cas says.</p><p>"What?! Cas..."</p><p>"Very well", Jack says and snaps his fingers.</p><p>Cas gasps, exhales.</p><p>Dean is still lagging behind, trying to stop it. "No. Wait. That's..."</p><p>The Empty looks at Amara, who, in turn, snaps her fingers as well. The Shadow smiles. "Thank you." It changes into a shape of black goo which disappears through the tear with a gurgling sound, closing the portal behind itself.</p><p>Upset, Dean turns towards Jack. "Jack, what the hell? You can't just..."</p><p>He feels a hand on his shoulder. "It is fine, Dean."</p><p>"No. No", he protests. "It's not fine." His voice is shaking with anger. "You shouldn't have made this stupid deal in the first place."</p><p>"Dean... Jack would have died otherwise."</p><p>"Then you should have told us and found another way than this deal!", Dean yells at him, removing his arm from Cas' touch.</p><p>"Excuse me", Sam stammers, "... but what I wanted to ask the whole time... What deal?"</p><p>Instead of answering, Dean stomps towards the Impala.</p><p>"Dean, wait...", Sam says, running after him.</p><p>"You getting in or what?", Dean asks Cas. "Get in, angel. Oh. Wait, no. You aren't one anymore because you made this idiotic deal."</p><p>Cas sighs. "One minute." He faces Jack. "I trust we will see you around?"</p><p>Jack nods. "From time to time. ... Will you give me a call when Dean has cooled off again?"</p><p>"Of course", Cas replies, pulling Jack in for a hug. "Take care."</p><p>"You too."</p><p>"Complicated patchwork family", Amara remarks. "I mean, if you are his adoptive father and I am his grandaunt, what does that make us?"</p><p>"Uh... I have no idea. See you around."</p><p>"See you around, Castiel", God says, and smiles.</p><p>*</p><p>On the way back to the bunker, it is quiet in the car. Sam is texting Eileen, and Dean still does not talk to Cas.</p><p>When they arrive at the bunker, Sam does not get out of the car but asks "Dean, can I borrow the Impala? I would like to meet Eileen."</p><p>"Huh. Of course you would. Yeah, whatever", Dean grumbles, handing over the keys.</p><p>*</p><p>Now that the two of them are alone in the bunker, Dean cannot hold back the question anymore. "Why didn't it work?"</p><p>Cas raises his eyebrows. "Why did what not work?"</p><p>"This... This what you said when Billie chased us. Why didn't the Empty come?" He tries to keep his voice level, but fails. The invasive thought haunting him for the last hours finally makes it way out there into the open. "Did... Did you not mean it? Did you not mean what you said? Because, unless I misunderstood something, if you <em>meant </em>it, it should have come, shouldn't it?"</p><p>Dean cannot remember having seen Cas so stunned, ever. "Dean, no. That is not why it did not work. I <em>did </em>mean it. Every word."</p><p>Trying to ignore the burning sensation behind his eyes, Dean swallows. "Then why..."</p><p>Cas shakes his head, unsure. "I... I do not know. Maybe..." He pauses, looking at Dean with his usual, intent gaze. "Maybe I was wrong. Maybe just being is not enough after all."</p><p>Dean feels something violently contract in his chest and then unclench again, enabling him to breathe more freely than he has in the last hours. "In that case... In that case, I... I need to tell you something."</p><p>"Yes?"</p><p>"First off, you're the biggest idiot I have ever met", Dean says with emphasis. "Secondly..." Slowly, he reaches out and takes hold of Cas' hand, bringing it up and cupping it with both hands. "Secondly, I love you too", he concludes, pressing a kiss to the hand.</p><p>"You... you do?", Cas asks, stammering.</p><p>Dean laughs, tears in his eyes. "Yes, that's what I said, you idiot."</p><p>"Oh", Cas manages to bring out just before Dean pulls him close to kiss him.</p><p>*</p><p>Meanwhile, the Empty is sleeping peacefully, completely missing Cas' moment of true happiness.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you'd like to scream over Destiel, Saileen or the show in general with me, you can follow me under @loves_deancas on Twitter. (My other Twitter account @siephilde42 is mainly for Good-Omens related content.)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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